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[Jan. 23rd, 2006|01:12 pm] |
I just got back from Jrn camp and I have to say that I didn’t really enjoy myself. The whole camp I just didn’t want to be there. I kept thinking about how much I needed this week to begin to mentally prepare for a year away. I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed and I don’t think that leading a bunch of kids who act like savage animals was very fun. The whole week I was switched from the kitchen, helping Hannah to prepare food and clean, to leading year 5 and 6 who at first I hated so much because they were just crazy and wouldn’t cooperate or anything. But towards the end of the week I really started to like them as they settled in and began to have a little respect towards us. Anyway because I didn’t really want to be at camp I started to become really lazy, which I’m not proud to say but its true. On the last day of camp I was ment to be helping Hannah and I had just spent the last 2 hours cutting up tomatoes and I was so tired so I asked Hannah if I could have a 5 minute break and she said yer. SO I went upstairs and fell asleep for an hour and a half and she got really pissed off, which I don’t blame her about, but she was bitching to Fee bout me saying some vicious things. And whatever, I don’t really care, I was extremely lazy this camp only because I could get away with it because I haven’t been to Israel yet. I leave in 2 weeks today and it has not hit me yet because I feel like I’m so removed from the situation…it’s weird.
Anyway to the good stuff about camp: It was so great having fee there with me. I felt really bad for her because she was with Matt at the farewelcome and she really really likes him, but he just wanted some action and yer he’s just being really immature about it all. On camp it was really awkward between them both and she was really upset about this. She told him one night that she doesn’t like him and if he wants to she would like to be with him again…trying to make it sound like she doesn’t have feelings for him so he will be with her again, no strings attached. And she goes what do you think about that? And he just got up and walked away. What a fucking two year old. I spoke to him and I said you can’t leave her hanging like that, talk to her and rejected her or whatever you want to do, she put herself out there and you just leave her hanging and confused. He said he would speak to her but he never did. Fucking loser.
I hated camp and I loved camp at the same time. Loved it because I hooked up with this leader guy called Dean. He is pretty amazing. We were flirting heaps the first 2 days of camp, being really bad because leaders are not allowed to do that in front of the kids. we kept getting in trouble because we were being to outright and the mudatzim (the year 11 kids who lead on the jrn camp) who were sleeping in our rooms, were getting heaps suspicious. Anyway it was really fun and on the second night we were lying on my bed in our room (coz we shared a room, us 2 and fee) and he said that when I asked him at the planning meeting if he or any other leaders ever had crushes on the kids in year 12 or 11, because they are only a few years apart, and he said that he found girls attractive but not really, he said that he has always had the biggest crush on me since Laura’s barbeque. I was quite amazed, because no one ever likes me.
I was talking to Joel a few hours before and I asked him what was up with us because I thought we had a thing going on but then I go on camp and he gets back with his ex girlfriend. He said that he also thought we had a thing going on but I’m just going away so soon, so he didn’t want to start anything with me. That’s a very fare enough reason I guess. I’m just pissed off that he left me hanging; he should have been outright and told me this from the beginning. Anyway he compared me to a “siron” which he then explained are these girls who unintentionally lure guys in and then don’t realise that the guys are interested in them because they are too humble or some bullshit. I was like what the fuck is this guy going on about. I go so basically your calling me a cock tease and he said that no because I unintentionally do it. He referred to Mark who I was with last week. He said Mark had a girlfriend but he couldn’t resist me. I was so confused by what he was saying because what the fuck!!?? Yer I’m still confused. How can I be luring guys in if I never get guys and also if I’m just being myself?
So anyway I was lying with dean on the bed and after he said that thing about the bbq he said that he has been so attracted to me for so long and I was driving him crazy. It was kind of weird because of what Joel had just said to me before because here dean was confirming what Joel had just said but what the fuck? I don’t think so. So anyway I was with dean and from then on it was pretty amazing just being around him because he made me feel so much better bout being on camp. Because we weren’t allowed to do anything in front of the kids, we kept having to ronda vue. Anyway he basically made the camp. It was strange wanting to be at camp with him everyday but also wanting to be at home. I think we are kinda “together” or something. This is quite amazing because I have never had a boyfriend really and it was so amazing on camp and I’m excited because I’m seeing him tonight. It’s very hard thought because I can’t let myself go completely. I can’t get attached. And I certainly cannot like him too much because I’m going away in 2 weeks. The timing sucks, but I’m going to make the most of it. I’m definitely going away single, which sucks because I’m pretty happy at the moment.
Joel is pretty cut that me and Dean are together, which gives me some satisfaction. I was sitting on the floor and he came and sat next to me and I just lent over and put my head on his shoulder because I was falling asleep. And he said to me “you better sit up because you don’t want dean to see you leaning on me.” I Was in shock when he said that. I sat up and in my head I was like WHAT THE FUCK! How dare you say that to me after you fucked me around and after all our history. What a complete bastered. He could see that I was pretty pissed off and said “I’m sorry I know I sound like a bastered but I’ve been out with a girl and she has been close to a guy and I really didn’t like it.” What the fuck ever, that was a side I have never seen before of him and I don’t like it. I cant believe he could say something like that when he knows that I liked him a lot and put myself out on a line by telling him I liked him and wasted all my time hanging out with him and liking him. Whatever. Elisa says he said that because he is jealous. And I fucking hope so because I waited for him and he lost his chance when he fucked me around. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|08:20 pm] |
Go to google.com and type "(your name) needs" Then pick the 5 funniest ones there.
If your name is James, you would put this in to the search engine: "James needs"
you got the idea
Then copy and paste this into a new bulletin with your answers filled in
Anna needs a fan club too! (haha yerr)
Anna needs a feeling of success (actually that would be good thanks.)
Anna needs to be excused from class today. (haha im done with school.)
Anna needs a coach (tutors, yes please.)
Anna needs whatever sense of humour works for her (hmm yes.)
That was fun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|10:55 am] |
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Friends only.
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